Resolutions aka Raise Your Glass
by strwbrygrl77
Summary: A New Year's fic about resolutions and Mary's feelings about her partner, Marshall Mann. AU
1. Chapter 1

**Happy 2012, readers! This is a two-shot New year's fic (yes, I know a little late) idea that's been bouncing around in my head for the past week or so. This chapter is all Pre-series.**

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><p>"<em>He who breaks a resolution is a weakling;<em>

_He who makes a resolution is a fool." ~F.M. Knowles_

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><p><strong>New Year's Eve, 2003<strong>

"You're serious?" I stared at my partner of eleven months in wide-eyed disbelief over the rim of my shot glass. "Who even makes those anymore? No, better yet, who actually keeps them past the second week of January?"

Marshall snickered into his holiday glass of spiked eggnog. "I'll have you know that I have been making New Year's resolutions ever since I was a senior in high school and with the exception of not being able to keep one due to breaking my leg, I have a perfect record."

I downed my shot of tequila and grimaced. "Of course you do. God, Marshall, you're such a girl."

He giggled and sipped some more nog before setting his cup on the table between us. "So, what's your resolution?"

"I told you, I don't make resolutions – why would I? To actually plan to do something that far in advance in our line of work and not have something come up at the last minute with one of our witnesses is just plain crazy!"

Marshall dismissed my words with a wave of his hand. "I'm not talking about something big, Mer. It can be something small."

"Such as?" I raised my eyebrow and waited.

"Such as cleaning out your closet and donating your unwanted clothes to charity. Or buying coffee once a week for me and Stan – or even promising to not shoot our witnesses."

"As if I actually would-" I grumbled as I poured another shot.

"But you could promise not to say it while in their presence. It's not exactly good for their morale when they're coming into the program and their WITSEC inspector threatens to -"

"All right!" I slammed the shot glass on the table. "My 2004 New Year's resolution is to not threaten our witness' lives in their presence. There, happy?"

"I bet you one hundred dollars you won't last the month of January, Mer."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Oh, I am so taking that bet, mister, and when you lose, you are so taking me paint balling with your money."

His face blanched and I laughed. "Losing the hundred bucks isn't torture enough?"

"Nope."

Shouts of 'Happy New Year' filled the bar around us and Marshall suddenly grinned at me.

"What?" I asked suspiciously.

"Where's my New Year's kiss?"

"How drunk are you?" I laughed.

"Come on, Mer, it's tradition. We'll have bad luck all year long otherwise."

I rolled my eyes. "In our line of work, is there any other kind?"

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><p><strong>New Year's Eve, 2004 (Moose Lake, MN)<strong>

I tensed as I heard the sound of boots on the porch and I stood up from the table, my gun pointed at the back door. The parka covered figure slipped inside, and a gloved hand reached up to slide the hood back as Marshall's muffled voice said,

"It's me."

I relaxed and pointed the gun at the floor, engaging the safety as Marshall unwound the thick scarf from his neck and mouth. I moved over towards the stove and poured him a cup of steaming coffee.

"Could you see any movement out there?"

Marshall's eyebrows rose in surprise as his hands wrapped around the coffee cup in gratitude. "Are you serious? Mer, it's called a whiteout for a reason. All you can see is snow. I can't even see my hand in front of my face out there. As soon as it stops, we'll grab the Olsons and head out." He took a large sip. "Where are they?"

"Mom and kids are crashed in the basement with space heaters. Dad is packing clothes upstairs."

"Still?"

I nodded and poured my own cup before joining him at the big family table. "When I checked on him a few minutes ago, he was still pouring through the family albums."

Marshall shook his head slowly, his gaze focused on his coffee. "Erik told me that his family has owned this farm ever since his great-great-grandparents came over from Norway in the 1860's." He sighed and took another sip of coffee. "This is the part of the job I hate, Mer. These people have deep roots, deep ties to this place and in one moment-" he snapped his fingers – "it's all taken from them."

"Yeah, life sucks." I agreed, as I raised my own coffee cup and took a swig.

He chuckled dryly. "Not as eloquent as I'd like to put it – but it works."

For a few minutes, we sat in silence in the big farm kitchen, drinking our coffee until Marshall stretched his long legs and asked me what time it was. I squinted in the semi darkness of the room towards the big clock above the sink.

"It's almost midnight," I said, stifling a yawn.

"Do you know what day this is, Mer?"

"Yeah, Friday."

"It's New Year's Eve."

As the grandfather clock in the living room chimed the hour, I smiled. "Well, Happy New Year, partner."

"Do I get my New Year's kiss this year?"

"What is it with you and that kiss?"

"It's tradition and look what happened to us this year because you didn't kiss me last year! You broke your leg and I got shot in the ass – I'd call that some serious bad luck. Not to mention the fact that we're stuck in the middle of a white out in Minnesota freezing our asses –"

I cut him off. "You can't seriously believe all that happened because I didn't give you a kiss?"

"Well-"

Rolling my eyes in defeat, I leaned across the table and gave him a wet smack on his cheek. As I regained my seat, I saw his blue eyes sparkling at me.

"Now all that leaves is your New Year's resolution."

I groaned. "Don't push it, buster."

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><p><strong>New Year's Day, 2006<strong>

I opened my eyes slowly, wondering why I hurt so much and fighting back the momentary wave of panic as I tried to place where I was and what the hell had happened to me. Glancing down, I saw the IV in my right hand and I moaned, which caused a familiar shadow to fall across my bed, blocking what little light was shining in from the outside.

"Good morning, Sleeping Beauty," my partner's voice greeted me.

I moaned again and my eyes blinked slowly shut, then open to take in his worried face peering down into mine. _Shit, he looks like he hasn't slept in twenty-four hours – and are those tear tracks on his face? _

"What the hell happened, Doofus? Why do I feel like I've been hit by a Mack truck?" My hand reached blindly for the bed control and I gave a weak smile as Marshall placed it in my searching fingers.

He perched on the edge of my bed as I tilted myself up a bit more. "What's the last thing you remember?"

I frowned as I tossed the remote back into the covers. "Leaving the courthouse after Brian's testimony-" I ran a hand through my hair. "Getting on the plane-" I shrugged.

Marshall sighed. "That was two days ago, Mer. We were on the plane when you started complaining to me about stomach pain, remember? You were barking at the flight attendants about food poisoning – but the pain had actually been occurring for longer than a day and you'd been ignoring it, right? And it wasn't your stomach."

I frowned again. "How do you-"

He held up a hand. "Let me finish since you don't remember, ok? We got Brian home but I could tell that you were clearly in pain. I wanted to bring you in then, but you refused, saying all you needed was a hot shower and bed." Marshall shook his head at me and paused, clearing his throat. "You're so damn stubborn, you know that? If I'd left you alone like you'd wanted-" his voice broke and his eyes skittered away from mine.

I felt an unexpected lump of emotion rise in my throat. We'd been partners for three years now and yet I'd never seen Marshall so visibly upset. He was always the calm, cool, and collected one. Steady, reliable, and unflappable – he was the one who kept his head no matter what happened. To see him struggling with emotion now did things to my insides that I didn't want to stop and reflect upon – so I pushed forward.

"What happened, Marshall?" I whispered.

"I refused to leave you alone. You called me an overprotective big brother and said it was nothing, that you'd been having these 'side pains' off and on for over a week now and were probably just getting a stomach ulcer. The more you talked, the more concerned I got. I wanted so badly to turn our car around and take you to the hospital and I should have but you wore me down and I took you home. You went into the bathroom to take your hot shower and I began to make you some homemade chicken noodle soup. And then-" he paused again, clearing his throat.

I reached for his hand and laced our fingers together. For a few minutes, the only sound in the room was our breathing.

"And then-" I prompted softly.

He sighed. "I had just finished dicing the chicken when I heard you scream – which was followed by a very loud thud. I grabbed my Glock and ran into your room, expecting to find some intruder had broken in but instead I found you curled up in the fetal position on the bathroom floor, unconscious."

I reeled back in surprise. "Was I naked?"

Marshall's eyebrow rose and the corners of his mouth twitched. "Hell, Mer! I just told you that I found you unconscious and your first question is whether or not I saw you naked?"

"Hell yeah! You've never seen me naked."

"Well, I have now." My partner flushed pink with embarrassment, including the tips of his ears.

"Damn! The first time you see me naked and I'm not even awake to enjoy it. Not to mention the fact that I don't remember any of this."

"That's probably because you hit your head on the rim of the tub as you fell. The doctor said you had a concussion – some memory loss is quite common."

I rolled my eyes. "So what happened next?"

"I called 911 and while the ambulance was en route, I threw some clothes on you because I didn't think you wanted anyone else to see you naked," he added with a smile and I slapped his shoulder. "It wasn't until we got here to the hospital and you were rushed to surgery that we found out that your appendix had ruptured."

"Wow," I whispered, and then I really looked at my partner and saw that he probably hadn't gotten any decent sleep since I'd been in here. "Hey, I'm sorry I worried you."

"Well, if you'd just slow down a bit and actually listen to the warning signs your body is sending you, this could have been prevented."

"I'm pretty sure that I still would have had to have my appendix removed, Doofus."

"But it wouldn't have ruptured, you wouldn't have fallen and gotten a concussion, you wouldn't have had an infection from the rupture-"

"Ok, ok! I get your point!" I held up my hand that wasn't still joined to his in surrender, then moaned.

His forehead wrinkled in concern. "What hurts the most, Mer?"

"My shoulder – why is that?"

"Well, that's because they have to pump the air from your abdominal cavity somewhere while they are operating-"

I cut off his flow of words by placing my hand over his mouth. "Oh hell no! Your resolution this year was to spout less trivia tidbits to torture me with, remember?"

When I removed my hand, he smiled wickedly at me. "Well, I hate to break it to you, partner, but while you were sleeping we rang in the New Year – Happy 2006!"

I groaned as I realized that he had probably spent the last year storing up the trivia and that this year he would be spouting even more trivia at me and our witnesses.

"So, Mer, I have an idea for your resolution this year."

I glared at him. "I told you, Marshall. I don't do resolutions – they don't work."

"Ok, so this is more of a resolution for me – to make sure we don't end up here next year."

"There are no guarantees in our line of work, Marshall."

"I know that, but this wasn't job related, Mer."

I sighed and nodded. "Go ahead."

"Since I am more knowledgeable and well-read than you are in the medical field, will you promise to heed my advice when it comes to your health?"

I bit my lip to keep from giggling. "Heed my advice? Who talks like that?"

Marshall said nothing, merely waited for my answer.

"My resolution for 2006 is to listen to my partner when he says I need to go to the doctor – but only because I want to remember the next time you see me naked." I laughed as once again my partner flushed to roots of his hair.

"That's my girl."

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><p><strong>New Year's Eve, 2007<strong>

I rolled away from Raph, panting slightly and looked for where he had flung my bra. Not seeing the undergarment anywhere, I shrugged and sat up, pulling my undershirt over my head. Just as I tried to stand up from the bed, Raph's muscular arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me back against him.

"Querida, don't go. Stay and ring in the New Year with me."

I tried not to grit my teeth at the endearment, just as I tried not to feel trapped by the arm that felt like a steel band around me. Raph was a good lay but he was just like the rest – he always wanted to cuddle and snuggle afterwards. I had met him seven months ago and we had fallen right into bed together but I had yet to take him back to my place or to stay the full night at his.

I turned and gave him a long, sultry kiss that caused him to move his hands up to my shoulders and allowed me to slip free. I smiled at him. "You've already rung my bells tonight, Raph. And I told you when I got here that I needed to leave by 11. It's already fifteen after," I explained as I pulled my jeans up and tucked in my undershirt.

"You are seeing another man," Raph pouted, crossing his arms behind his head, letting his arm muscles bulge.

I bit back a laugh as I thought of Marshall waiting for me at our usual New Year's bar. _Yes, Marshall's a man – but he doesn't ring my bells. And yet, I am climbing out of Raph's bed to go meet him. . . . _I shook my head. Tradition, that's all it was. Marshall and I spent every New Year's Eve together.

"Just my partner for drinks – it's something we do every New Year's Eve," my voice was muffled as I pulled my sweater over my head. When I could see again, I took a step back for Raph was standing in front of me in all his naked glory.

"Then I should come too – we can start our own tradition."

I shook my head and kissed him again. "We already did our thing." My phone beeped as a text came through. I looked at the screen.

_U Coming?_

"I have to go-" I looked up to see Raph twirling my misplaced bra in his fingers. I snatched it from him and hurried out the door, stuffing the scrap of lace in the pocket of my jeans. Fortunately my Probe decided to behave and it only refused to start once before the engine turned over and I was on my way.

Marshall was seated at the bar when I arrived but we quickly grabbed our drinks and made our way to the back, squeezing our way through the masses to find a pair of stools in a darkened corner.

He inspected his stool dubiously. "I wish I had something to wipe this down – I think the former occupants took advantage of the darkness."

I giggled and pulled my scrap of lace from my pocket. "Here."

"Thanks." He wiped the stool before the bra opened in his hand and his face flushed. "Mer, did I interrupt your evening activities?" he asked as he handed it back to me.

I giggled again and stuffed the lace into my back pocket. "Nope."

He shook his head. "So, how's Raphael?"

I shrugged. "Fine – he wanted to come with me but I said no."

"Why?"

I shrugged again. "I want to keep it casual – I mean, it's not like we're dating or anything."

Marshall snorted. "Of course not, you're just having sex."

I turned my laser beam gaze on him. "You sound like such a dad when you say it like that. We're using protection, Marshall. I'm being responsible."

"Are you? Having casual flings with guys you pick up in diners instead of –" he broke off suddenly, taking a long drink of his beer.

I waited for as long as I could but he didn't continue. "Instead of what?"

"Nothing – just forget it, all right? I've had a bit more to drink than I should and you know how that affects me. You should probably drive me home tonight."

"I don't want to forget it – I want to know what you were going to say."

"Mer, I'm not going to say anything when I'm under the influence of this much alcohol, all right? Both of us will regret it tomorrow. Besides, who am I to talk? The longest relationship I've had with a woman who isn't my mother is you – and you don't even remember the one time I've seen you naked."

We laughed but there was hollowness to his eyes tonight and tightness around his mouth that I hadn't noticed before. I had a sudden overwhelming urge to take him in my arms and comfort him and I didn't know why. After all, I didn't know what it was that had made him so sad. It was probably just the holidays catching up to him; it made even the jolliest of people depressed eventually.

Shouts of "Happy New Year" filled the air around us and broke the spell that had been woven between us. I smiled at him and clinked his glass against mine. "Happy 2008, partner."

"Happy New Year, Mer."

I felt like I was still waiting for something. As I glanced around the bar and saw all the smooching and groping going on I realized with a start that Marshall hadn't asked for his New Year's kiss. In fact, he hadn't asked for one since I had given him a smack on the cheek back in the Olson's kitchen. Had he been that disappointed in my smooch?

I frowned and stared at him.

"What?" he asked.

"Don't you want your New Year's kiss?"

I watched as he jumped in surprise on the stool. "Mer, I don't think that it's appropriate given the fact that you have a boyfriend."

I rolled my eyes. "I do not have a boyfriend."

"Okay, a friend with benefits, then."

I slid to the floor and strutted over to his stool, planting myself between his legs. I watched as he swallowed nervously, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down in his throat. "Come on, Marshall, it's one little kiss. We don't want to have bad luck all year long, do we?"

"I thought you didn't believe in that stuff?"

I curled my hands around his waist, looping my fingers through his belt loops. "I don't but you've got to give a girl something since you've already seen me naked-"

"Ma-_ry_!" he gasped as I reached up and planted my mouth against his, swallowing the second half of my name. Our tongues collided and I groaned deep in my throat as I felt Marshall pulling me flush against him. We only broke apart a few minutes later as air become a necessity and some idiot who had broken a champagne bottle open began to spray it around the room. I gasped as the cold spray hit me in the back and my fingers let go of Marshall so suddenly that he teetered dangerously on his stool.

Marshall whispered hoarsely something about needing to use the restroom. As I watched him go, I wondered if my resolution this year should be to drink less.

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><p><strong>Reviews are candy that feed the muses and help me writeedit faster! ;)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Good News! My Mary muse is having so much fun with this story that it's going to be a 3-shot (in other words, I can't shut her up!) I've split the IPS seasons up so NYE 2008 is set after S1: Who Shot Jay Arnstein? and NYE 2009 is set very shortly after Mary has recovered from her shooting, sometime around the premiere of S3. Enjoy - and I'll hopefully have the last chapter up this weekend!**

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><p>"<em>It wouldn't be New Year's if I didn't have regrets." <em>

_~William Thomas_

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><p><strong>New Year's Eve, 2008<strong>

"Well, I for one am glad to see the end of 2008," Stan said, as he raised his glass.

"Hell yeah!" I said, raising mine.

"Here, here," Marshall agreed.

All three glasses clinked and I took a big swig of my beer as I noticed someone else approaching our table. "Hey, Bobby, join us!"

"Evening, inspectors! Thanks but I have a date." He turned and waved to a voluptuous blonde at the end of the bar. "I just wanted to pop over and wish everyone a Happy New Year. And you, Inspector Mann," he pointed a finger at my partner. "Try not to get your skinny ass shot again this year."

Marshall smiled and held up his hands in surrender. "I'll try not to – I think Mary will shoot me herself if I do."

"You bet your ass I will."

Bobby laughed and left to rejoin his date at the bar; Stan just shook his head at our antics. "You kids shaved another few years off my life this year. How's the shoulder really doing, Marshall?"

He grinned at our boss. "I don't think I'm ready to pitch nine innings in our annual Fourth of July picnic but my shooting percentage is just one point off where it should be. Give me another week, and I'll be back to normal."

"He just got out of the sling last week, Stan," I added, inwardly cringing at how defensive I sounded.

Stan smiled at me. "I wasn't criticizing him, Mary. Marshall's made a remarkable recovery, given the seriousness of his injury." His gaze flicked between the two of us and then down to our empty glasses. "I'll get us another round."

We both made a protest but in the end, it was Stan who made his way to the bar and left us alone together. Marshall had invited him to join us tonight but if he hadn't, I had already seriously considered bringing Raph along to act as a buffer. We didn't need a repeat of what had happened last year at midnight- the memory of that passionate, toe-curling kiss still left me unsettled and aroused.

But it was the events of the past few months that had prompted me to think that a third person at our traditional New Year's celebration would be a good idea. I had "smeared lipstick" on Marshall in a horse barn for a ruse while we were trying to capture some diamond smugglers a couple of months ago. But my partner had suddenly turned the tables on me – he had pulled me into him, taken control of the kiss and suddenly I had been transported back to that bar last New Year's Eve and it had felt so right to be in his arms. I had broken the connection and shoved him away from me so hard that he had struggled to stay on his feet.

"_What the – what the hell are you doing?" I gasped softly._

"_What the hell are you doing?" he repeated back to me in confusion._

_I shook my head, trying to clear it. "Just follow my lead."_

_He spread his hands out to the side in gesture of helpless confusion. "I thought I was!"_

My feelings of confusion had only grown worse when a few weeks later I had found the letter of another job offer on his desk but before we could clear the air between us, Marshall got shot and nearly died before I could get him to the hospital.

"_You better not die."_

_His baby blues stared directly into mine. "I will try not to die, for you."_

"Mer – MARY!"

I jumped in my seat. "What?" I snapped, my eyes swinging up to meet the concerned blue eyes of my partner.

"Where were you? You've been lost in thought for over ten minutes now."

"I – nothing, it's nothing."

"You look tired – are you still having nightmares?"

I sighed. "I thought they'd stopped but I had one again last night."

"A bad one?"

"Is there such a thing as a good nightmare, Doofus?"

"Did I die?"

I shuddered at his words. "I don't want to talk about it."

"That's the problem – you're not talking about it to anyone. Not to me, or Stan, or a therapist. You need to talk about it, Mer, for your own peace of mind. If not to me, then-"

I blew out a breath between my lips before I leaned across the table between us. "All right, you want me to talk about it? I still can't believe that you pulled yourself up from underneath the truck with a fucking bullet inside your chest with a partially collapsed lung to cover me. You could have taken more bullets – you could have been killed on the spot. You could have d-" I silently cursed myself as I had to stop speaking before I began crying in a bar in the middle of downtown Albuquerque.

Marshall had stood during my verbal tirade and slid into the booth next to me, bumping his shoulder against mine. "That's what partners do, Mer, we cover each other's asses."

"I don't want your death on my conscience, Marshall. I couldn't live with myself if you took a bullet that was meant for me."

He reached out and took my hand, intertwining our fingers together. "I'm sorry, Mer, but that's not your choice to make. Don't you know by now that I'd give my last breath for you?"

My tears caught in my throat and the lump of undefined emotion was back. _No, no, I cannot be having feelings of a personal nature for my partner. The very idea is – ridiculous._

"So, inspectors, have you made any resolutions yet for 2009?" Stan asked as he set fresh drinks on the table and slid into the booth across from us.

Marshall gave my hand a final squeeze and released it. "You mean, besides the one to not get shot?" he teased.

"I don't think that's funny," I punched his good shoulder and reached for my beer.

"Actually, I've been training and I'm going to be running in the half marathon in April – unless we're out of town on witness business," Marshall nodded at Stan.

I stared at my partner in disbelief. "Wait, you're actually going to run for fun? When your life isn't in danger and you don't have to?" I scoffed.

He smiled at me. "Yeah – you've seen my trophies and awards from high school and college. I was on the track and field team. I've actually participated in a couple of full marathons before."

"How many miles is that anyway?"

"Thirteen point one."

I shook my head. "You have fun with that."

Stan laughed and turned to me. "What about you, Mary?"

"Oh no, I don't make resolutions."

Marshall laughed. "Yes, she does. She just doesn't keep them very well."

"None of us do, Mary, that's the point of making them."

"To break them?" I raised my eyebrow.

"Exactly." Stan raised his glass. "So mine is to stop giving you guys' unsolicited advice."

I laughed. "You'll never keep that one past Valentine's Day."

"I know," Stan grimaced, "but I have to try and remember that you're both adults."

Marshall laughed harder. "Well, one of us is, anyway."

"Hey!" I punched his shoulder again.

Both men turned and looked at me. I fought the sudden butterflies I felt in my stomach as Marshall's baby blues seemed to look right through me.

_My resolution is to not fall in love with my partner. _

_Where the HELL did that come from?_

I cleared my throat. "I – uh – need to find a new home for Jinx's lap dogs."

Marshall cocked his head. "Really, why?"

I sighed. "Brandi's allergic – or she claims to be. Anyway, mom's had them in a kennel pretty much ever since Squish got here and I've finally made Jinx understand that either the dogs will have to go or she will have to find another place to live." I smirked. "Since that would mean getting a steady paying job so she could pay rent. . ." I left the sentence unfinished.

Stan grinned and Marshall nodded. "So, you've been elected to get rid of her babies?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yes. She got all teary eyed, said she's too close to them and can't do it and could I please? Even though she's barely gone to see the little hairbrushes with feet since she put them in the kennel." I took another large swig of beer. "So, are you sure neither of you has the resolution to get a dog in 2009?"

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><p><strong>New Year's Eve, 2009 (Mary's house)<strong>

"Sweet Pea?" Jinx trilled, as she knocked on my bathroom door. "Are you okay? You've been in there for a really long time. You're missing a great party out here."

I rolled my eyes as I stared at my reflection in the bathroom mirror, running my hands up and down the still angry looking scar on my stomach. The limited amount of alcohol I had consumed had put me in a strange, reflective mood.

_I really am lucky to be alive this New Year's. _As I shoved my shirt back down, my engagement ring caught the light. _It still looks out of place on my finger – I'm not used to wearing it every day. It sure makes Raph happy, though._ I twisted the ring around on my finger a couple of times. The setting really wasn't my style; the diamond stuck up too much and kept getting caught on things – my clothing, food, paperwork. It was annoying. Marshall seemed to find it an endless source of amusement, however – especially since the ring was no longer stuck on **his **finger.

That particular thought made me smile as I recalled the day Marshall had discovered my engagement to Raph and had ended up sporting my ring on his finger for the entire day. _He really did look like my bitch! _But my smile faded as the words of his toast rang in my ears. _Was it really possible that Marshall meant he __**loves me**__ loves me? _I twisted the ring around on my finger so hard that it flew off and fell into the sink with a loud clinking sound. _Oh God, have I made a huge mistake?_

Before I could retrieve my ring from the drain, a loud banging on the door made me jump. "Hey!" I yelled. "This one's occupied – go usethe other one!"

"Mary, come quick!" Brandi yelled through the door. "I think Chico's going to deck Marshall."

I threw open the door to see Squish's teary face. "What?"

Brandi shook her head helplessly. "I don't know! All of a sudden I heard him yelling in Spanish and I looked over and Chico was all red in the face and Marshall was just standing there, calm as could be, taking it."

"Aw, hell," I muttered as I ran from my bedroom. I knew better than anyone that Marshall got still and quiet but struck like a rattlesnake when he was angry enough. I didn't want to have to pay for repairs to my newly renovated house when the FBI had done such a good job of fixing everything.

I scanned the living room of people but didn't see them; Brandi pointed to the kitchen just as I heard a car door slam out front. Throwing open the door, I saw my partner's truck peeling down the street.

"Damn it!" I swore, slamming the door and turning back to the kitchen for answers.

My fiancé was nursing two fingers of Scotch and leaning against the sink. His lower lip was split and starting to swell. Stan and Eleanor were standing at the island nearby, trying to be inconspicuous but judging by the looks on their faces, they had witnessed the entire altercation.

I planted my fists on my hips and tried to get Raph to look me in the eye. "What the hell happened in here? Where's Marshall?"

Raph took a swig of Scotch. "He left."

"Why?"

Raph shrugged.

I sighed and rubbed my forehead. "Brandi said you were yelling – what did you say to him, Raph?"

He shrugged again and took another drink.

I tried not to grit my teeth in frustration. Raph got like this when he'd had too much to drink. First, he was sweet and overly romantic. Then he started to talk about anything and everything – but soon that turned confrontational. Usually I was around to take the drink away from him before this happened and get his ass in bed to sleep it off.

The last stage before he passed out was that he became a pouty, petulant child who didn't want to listen or talk about anything. Seeing he had reached this stage, I knew getting further information from him was pointless so I went over to Stan and Eleanor.

"What happened?"

Stan shook his head. "I'm not entirely sure. Raph seemed to be in a really good mood, being the genial host, talking about your upcoming wedding."

Eleanor nodded. "He was really excited that you two had finally set a date."

I shook my head. "Wait, what? Did I miss something? We haven't set a date!" I exclaimed angrily, looking back over my shoulder at my brooding fiancé.

Eleanor's right eyebrow rose. "Really? Because that's not what he's been telling people all evening-"

"Ladies, please," Stan interrupted. "I thought you wanted to know what happened between Raph and Marshall, Mary."

"I do, sorry, go on."

"Well, Marshall went over to offer his congratulations and the two of them got to talking. All of a sudden Raph started yelling at Marshall. He took it calmly for awhile but then out of nowhere, Marshall hit Raph and stormed out."

Eleanor smiled. "I wouldn't exactly call it 'out of nowhere', Stan."

I tried not to appear too eager. "You understood what Raph was saying?"

"Si, senorita."

I rolled my eyes. "Well? What was Raph yelling about?"

Eleanor's eyes lost their mirth. "I'm not sure I should-"

"Oh, come on! There's no love lost between us and you're leaving for Washington next week so-" I waved my hand, encouraging her to continue.

Eleanor sighed. "He was talking about your shooting, Mary."

A chill washed down my spine and a sense of protectiveness for my partner rose up in me. "Go on."

"He was basically blaming Marshall for not being there – Raph said you wouldn't have gotten shot, that partners are supposed to have each other's backs and that Marshall was too busy getting laid while you were putting your life on the line."

I felt like I couldn't breathe. My hands curled around the edge of the island until my knuckles and fingers turned white. There was a strange buzzing in my ears and the party noises and voices seemed to be coming from far away. But then I felt someone shaking my shoulders and something icy against my cheek. I recoiled with a gasp.

"That's a girl," Stan encouraged, removing the icy glass from my face. "Just breathe, ok?"

"Mary, I'm sorry," Eleanor whispered, "I didn't want to tell you. It was the alcohol talking – Raph loves you, you know that. He was really scared when you got shot that you were going to die – your whole family was."

_Including Marshall._

"I know," I said. "So, that's when Marshall hit him and left?"

Eleanor paused for a fraction of a second before saying, "Yes."

"You're lying – there's something else."

Eleanor glanced at Stan for assistance but he only shrugged. I knew he was clueless since his knowledge of Spanish was limited. "Raph said something else, didn't he?"

"Yes, but I'm not going to repeat it – if you want to know, you're going to have to get it from him or Marshall."

I threw my hands up. "Fine. Where the hell are my keys?"

Marshall wasn't at our bar and he wasn't at home. He wasn't answering his cell – all my calls went directly to voicemail. After swinging by his favorite pie shop, I swung by the office. His truck was parked very un-Marshall like, very crooked and taking up two parking spaces. I sighed as I parked next to him, and the Probe's engine died before I could turn it off. As I rode up in the elevator I wondered if I would find him playing some more online chess with – who had it been? A twelve year old girl from Turkey? Albania?

The office was dark when I arrived and I frowned in confusion since that had definitely been his truck in the parking lot. I was just about to leave when I noticed that the patio lights were on and the outside door was still slightly ajar. I stopped at my desk to grab my secret stash – but it was empty. My concern grew as I headed outside. At first I didn't see anything as my eyes adjusted to the low light and I shivered in the slight breeze.

"Marshall?" I whispered.

There was a long pause before I heard a slight movement off to my right. "Go 'way, Mer," he slurred. "I don't wanna talk."

I had followed the sound of his voice. He was curled up in one of the chaise lounge chairs against the far wall, my bottle of Scotch in his hands. "We don't have to talk, Marshall. I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

He chuckled. "I am okie-dokie – but maybe I shouldn't drive home since I am currently seeing two of you."

I giggled and sat next to him on the lounge. "How drunk are you?"

He frowned at me. "I'm not drunk."

I rolled my eyes. "Okay. Can I have the bottle?" I reached out and took the bottle from his fingers and held it up to the city lights. "This was full, Marshall. Do you want to talk about why you left my party and came here to drink half my bottle of Scotch?"

"I told you I don't want to talk about it."

"All right." I stood up to go put the bottle back in my desk but Marshall reached out and snagged my wrist.

"Don't go. Please."

I set the bottle on the patio and reclaimed my seat, as I intertwined our fingers together. "I was only going to put the bottle away – I wasn't leaving. I'm your ride home, remember? Besides, it's New Year's Eve. Where else would I be?"

Marshall scooted over and tugged me down until I was curled up on the chaise lounge chair beside him. "I'm sorry I hit your fiancé," he murmured after a few minutes.

I snorted. "I think he deserved it after what he said to you – and he was wrong."

"No, he wasn't."

"Yes, he was."

Marshall shifted on the lounge and I removed my hand from his to sling it around his waist and hold him in place. "Listen to me, partner, I'll say this now and I'll repeat it tomorrow when you're sober. I could have gotten shot whether you had been there or not – you got shot last year and I was there then, remember?" I waited for his nod of agreement. "And I had my own feelings of guilt and nightmares over that incident, right?" Again I waited for his nod. "Well, this is just one more battle scar. Perhaps I came a bit closer to dying than you did – but the point is that both of us pulled through. And at the end of the day, that's all that matters."

By the end of my little pep talk, Marshall was weeping softly into my neck and I was running my hands up and down his back, soothing him like a little child.

"I was so scared, Mer," he whispered. "You weren't breathing and you were so still and I really thought I'd lost you." His arms tightened around me and for a few moments I felt like I couldn't breathe he was holding me so tight. "I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you."

I swallowed the emotion that was rising in my own throat. "Well, you know as well as I do that there are no guarantees in this job. But if it helps, my permanent resolution to you is that I will try not to die, for you."

The words were barely out of my mouth before his lips covered mine. This kiss was soft, sweet, and gentle but it still left me breathless and wanting more. When Marshall broke away after a few moments, he once again buried his face in my neck.

"Mer?" he whispered.

"What?" I croaked, trying to calm the wild thumping of my heart.

"Would it be all right if we stayed here for awhile – just so I could hear your heart beat and listen to your breathing?"

I smiled in the darkness. "Why, Marshall Mann, you wouldn't be trying to see me naked again, would you?"

The only answer I got was a snore. _Happy New Year, partner._

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><p><strong>So that's what happened to Jinx's dogs! Reviews are candy that feed the Mary muse ;)<strong>_  
><em>


	3. Chapter 3

**Here's the final chapter - I can't believe it's the end! I had so much fun ****writing this one (and I hope you enjoy reading it). It's super LONG - I couldn't find a way to split it in half, so I left it as is. NYE 2010 takes place right after the S4 episode 'Something's A-mish' while NYE 2011 & 2012 are post-series.**

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><p>"<em>To promise [or resolve] not to do a thing is the surest way<em>

_in the world to make a body want to go and do_

_that very thing." ~ Mark Twain, 'The Adventures of Tom Sawyer'_

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><p><strong>New Year's Eve, 2010 (Mary's house)<strong>

I let the hot water wash away the last forty-eight hours and tried not to think about the fact that another witness had just opted out of the program and was now back at home, a sitting duck in her Amish community. I closed my eyes and breathed in the steam, reassuring myself that yes, the evil bikers had really been after her husband Jonathan and now that he was dead, Sarah should be safe. _Should be – those have to be two of the scariest words in the English language. Yup, ranks right up there with you're pregnant. _

My stomach growled and I knew that if I didn't eat soon I was going to be in trouble. So far the nausea hadn't returned like it had on the night I had barfed in the car with Jonathan – and I didn't want to have a repeat episode of that experience with or without a witness. As long as I snacked throughout the day, my queasiness seemed to be held at bay. I snorted as I turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. _Great, by the time I pop this kid out I'm going to be as big as a house. _

I was five years old when mom got pregnant with Brandi and I remember every ache, every upset stomach, every pain that Squish gave her as Jinx insisted she was too ill to get out of bed from the moment she found out she was pregnant. I also remember the screaming fight between my parents when I found the "medicine" bottle under the bed one afternoon. As I towel dried my hair, I glanced down at my still flat stomach.

"I promise that I'm going to do better by you, Squirt. You're going to have two parents who want and love you from the start – and I'm sorry that's not me." I paused to clear my throat as an unexpected lump rose in it. My hand involuntarily went to my waist, tracing the scar of my bullet wound. "My life is way too dangerous, too unpredictable for a kid. I want to give you your best shot to grow up somewhat normal."

I jumped as my phone vibrated on the bathroom counter, signaling an incoming text message. I smiled when I saw it was from Marshall. I hadn't expected to hear from him again before Monday since he now had a girlfriend.

**Hey, u home?**

I wrapped the towel around my body before I answered: **Yes, why?**

**Because I'm outside w/food and pie**

My stomach growled again. _How does he always know?_ I moved quickly into my bedroom and started to pull out clothes. **Use your key - I just got out of the shower.**

He didn't answer and for a moment I wondered if he was going to wait and freeze his ass on my doorstep until I let him in. I already had my shirt and underwear on when I heard him moving about in my living room.

"Do I get to see you naked again?" he called.

I laughed. "Pervert! What would your Texas cheerleader think of that?" I called back, secretly glad that there was a closed door between us and he couldn't see how much his comment had affected me. My hands were shaking slightly as I tried to button my pants and my face was flushed. _Damn these feelings – I've got to remember that I was the one who screwed things up this year. He poured his heart out to me and what did I do? I ran off to Mexico and screwed Faber because it was safe and uncomplicated. And now he's in a relationship and I'm knocked up! _I caught a glimpse of my expression in the glass, face flushed and eyes overly bright with emotion.

"Damn it!" I swore softly. I couldn't go out there like this – Marshall could read me like a book after all these years and he would want to know what was wrong. He was like a terrier too – he wouldn't let go until I told him and it wouldn't be fair at this point in either of our lives to confess the truth.

I had broken my resolution and fallen in love with my partner.

"Shit!" I cried out in pain as I stepped on something sharp with my bare feet.

The exclamation brought Marshall crashing through my bedroom door. "Mer? Are you all right? What happened?"

I was clutching my right foot and hopping backwards. Marshall caught me around the hips, steering me to the bed. "I don't know, I was pacing and thinking and suddenly I stepped on something sharp."

He glanced over his shoulder and noted the broken glass on the floor as he knelt on the floor in front of me. "Let me see," he whispered as he grasped my heel, trying to get me to stop squirming.

I gasped in pain and jerked as his fingers gently probed my foot. "Ow, that hurts!"

He chuckled. "Since we've been partners, you've broken your leg and been shot – and stepping on glass hurts?"

"Like a mother fucker!" I seethed through my teeth.

He chuckled again as he pulled a glass shard from my heel.

"I don't deal well with external pain, okay?"

He nodded and said, "Now let's see the other one." He caressed my foot before letting it go and I had to stifle a moan.

_Is he trying to kill me here? Does he even realize what he's doing to me or is he just being Marshall?_

"I don't see any glass in this foot – I think you just got blood from the other foot on it. I'm going to go get the iodine and bandages to clean you up, all right?"

I struggled to stand but he pushed me back down. "What are you doing?" he frowned at me.

"I can do it myself, Marshall, I'm not an invalid."

"But I'm here – so would you let me help you just this once?"

Something in the tone of his voice and his gaze rendered me speechless. I nodded and soon he was back with the first aid supplies.

"So how come you're here tonight?"

He lifted his eyebrows in surprise. "It's New Year's Eve – where else would I be?"

I smiled as he repeated my words from last year, but oh how much had happened in a year. "What about your Texas cheerleader?"

He frowned at me again. "She has a name, Mary – my girlfriend has a name, and I'd appreciate it if you'd use it."

The hurt I heard in his voice made me close my eyes briefly in pain. _Oh God, when did I stop teasing around with Marshall and start making jokes at his expense? I know that it's been to protect my heart but has it been worth it?_

I cleared my throat and tried again. "So, did Abigail have to work tonight?"

Marshall nearly dropped the bandage he was rolling around my foot in surprise. I'm sure he thought I was going to change the subject, not return to it and mention his girlfriend by name.

His eyes twinkled at me before he resumed rolling the gauze and taped it in place. His fingers caressed my foot and I got chills. "Yes – but I would have at least stopped by tonight. We always spend this night together, Mer." He helped me to my feet and I looked up into his face, enjoying the fact that I had to since he was in his boots and I was barefoot.

"I don't think Abigail will understand that if you two end up getting married," I said softly.

I watched as his eyes widened and his Adam's apple bobbed in his throat. "We're still taking it one day at a time."

My lips twitched as I tried not to smile. "You're being spontaneous? My by-the-book, plan for every contingence partner?"

He spread his hands to the side and grinned. "Hey – perhaps I'm turning over a new leaf this year."

I snorted as I took a step towards the door. Pain shot up my leg and I moaned.

Marshall was there in an instant. "Whoa, Sunshine, where you going?

"To the kitchen – I'm starving and you brought dinner, didn't you?"

"Yes, I did."

"Well then-" I took another step and bit my lip. "Damn it!"

He chuckled as he stepped in front of me, bending his knees slightly. "Hop on, partner."

"Are you serious? You want to give me a piggy back ride?"

He looked over his shoulder at me and winked. "Unless you want me to sling you over my shoulder and carry you off cave man style, yes I am."

I giggled as I jumped on his back and he grunted slightly from the impact but grabbed my thighs as they hugged his trim waist. I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"Don't strangle me, Mer," he choked.

"Sorry," I loosened my hold. "I've never done this as an adult," I whispered.

"It's ok," he gave my legs a pat and started walking down the hallway.

I buried my face in his back. "I'm scared, Marshall," I whispered softly.

He stopped his progress towards the kitchen and for several moments didn't say anything. I was surprised when I felt the counter underneath me but I didn't let go. Marshall turned in my embrace and I buried my face in his neck, breathing in the scent of his aftershave. He brushed his fingers through my damp hair and still he didn't say anything as I trembled.

"What are you afraid of, Mer?"

I sighed against his skin. _How do I answer that, Marshall? I'm terrified about the baby – that I won't be able to deliver a healthy child to parents that can love him or her better than I can. I'm terrified of the future. Will you and I be able to stay partners if you and Abigail get married – or will I lose you? I mean, I haven't acted on my feelings because I didn't want to lose you as my partner, as my b_e_st_ _friend and now it may all be a moot point anyway._

Marshall pushed me away gently so he could look into my eyes. "Mary?"

I sighed, knowing that he wasn't going to let this go and that I needed to tell him something even if it wasn't the whole truth. "The baby – I-" I shivered and clutched his shirt between my fingers.

He nodded and drew me back into his arms. "I know you're scared about the pregnancy, Mer. But I'm here, and we'll get through this together, all right?"

I nodded against his shirt, silently resolving that if it were up to me, we would always get through everything together.

* * *

><p><strong>New Year's Eve, 2011 (Marshall and Abigail's house)<strong>

"Mary, are you going to talk to me? I'm really sorry that I have to leave early tonight-"

I sighed as I unbuckled Alexis' car seat and my six-month-old daughter babbled happily with innocence, ignoring the tension between her parents. "Are you excited to see your Uncle Marshall tonight?" I asked her and Alexis waved her chubby arms in excitement.

"Mary-"

"Mark, please, can we talk about this later?" I hissed at him as I scooped Alexis into my arms and shut the car door with my hip. "I'm not mad that you have to leave early for work, all right? I mean, how many times have I left you in the middle of the night with Alexis because I had a work situation?" My words came out fast and furious, matching the pace of my steps up the driveway.

Mark was matching my speed, a pleasantly confused look on his face. "I'm afraid I don't understand why you're so pissed off at me then."

I rolled my eyes as I took in his crestfallen expression. "Of course you don't," I muttered. _How could you? From your point of view, everything's perfectly fine. You've got a part time job and you're perfectly happy living in my house, helping to raise our daughter and playing house with me. But you've never bothered to ask me if this is the life I want! Playing house with my ex-husband while the man I love-_

My train of thought was derailed as the front door was thrown open and there she stood, June fucking Cleaver aka Abigail. Her hair was curled in perfect ringlets that were spilling all around her shoulders and she was wearing a deep red dress that hugged her in all the right places. She smiled, showing all her pearly whites and all I could think was, _My, what big teeth you have._

"Mary, Mark! There you are – and Alexis too! Marshall will be so thrilled to see her!" Abigail opened the door wide. "Come in out of the cold – oh and Happy New Year, Stuber family!"

I gritted my teeth and bit back the retort that Alexis and I were Shannons, not Stubers, but Mark was already enthusiastically returning her greeting so I busied myself with taking off Alexis' jacket. Suddenly my daughter began to wiggle in my arms and I didn't need to turn around to know who had caught her eye.

"There's my favorite girl!"

Alexis squealed and she nearly fell out of my arms before Marshall's hands were there to catch her. He gave her a few gentle tosses into the air before he held her close and she snuggled against him. I cleared my throat at their affectionate greetings – an outsider would think he was her father and that the two of them had been parted for a week. The truth was he had seen her yesterday and put her down for a nap. But when she woke up and he was gone it took me forever to console her.

Marshall turned to me with a grin. "So, how's the Stuber family?" he teased.

I glared at him and he laughed, putting his free arm around my shoulders. I relaxed into his hug. "I hope you don't mind my bringing her – Jinx and Brandi both had plans and Mark-"

He silenced me with a look. "Mary – she's fine. You know I have an extra play pen in the study all set up for her."

Alexis reached out and patted his face. I smiled. "You're too good to us – and you're spoiling her."

He laughed again. "What do you expect? I'm her godfather and I still can't believe you named her after me."

Alexis' middle name was Michelle, the female version of Michael, which was Marshall's middle name. I slung an arm around his waist. "After all you did for me while I was pregnant, the way you stood by me, supported me when I went into labor early – Alexis couldn't have a better namesake."

Marshall's eyes misted and he leaned over, pressing a kiss against the top of my head. Before he could say another word though, Abigail interrupted us. "Marshall, I think everyone's here. Should we put out the food?"

I dropped my arm from his waist and plucked Alexis from his arms, which caused my daughter to send up a wail of protest. "Uncle Marshall has to go play host now," I soothed, bouncing her up and down. Mark appeared at my elbow with her pacifier and I smiled at him gratefully.

Abigail and Marshall had decided to host a potluck supper for New Year's and invited everyone to bring a dish to share. Since my culinary skills were nowhere near the kitchen, I had purchased a couple of pies and Mark had stopped at the store for ice cream. When a couple of the officers' wives asked for the recipe, I tried not to laugh and said that I would email them.

"Why did you say that?" Mark asked me when they were out of earshot. "You didn't make them!"

"No, but I can email them the website of the bakery where I purchased them."

Mark shook his head at me and went to try Abigail's trifle – which June Cleaver had made herself. "I'm going to get the recipe," he said as he tried to lick his plate clean.

"What will you do with it?" I scoffed. "You'll need to find a woman who can make it for you."

Mark frowned. "Mary, are you going to tell me what's wrong?"

I sighed as I looked around the room at the happy couples, and then down at Alexis who was lying on her tummy on a blanket at our feet. "Mark, is this what you want from your life? You, me, Alexis?"

"Yes," he said firmly. "Wait, you don't?"

I shook my head sadly. "No, I love you Mark – as a friend, as Alexis' father, but nothing more. You and I never had anything outside of the bedroom – we had plenty of sparks in there, but-" I paused.

"Sparks burn out." Mark finished softly.

My eyes widened in surprise as I looked at him. "Yeah – you understand?"

He shook his head. "I understand what you're saying – that for you, there's no lasting love between us." He sighed. "What about Alexis?"

I exhaled loudly. "I know I can't raise her on my own – not with my work schedule. But I suddenly realized I'm not alone. I have Marshall and Jinx and Brandi and you." I paused and took a deep breath. "It's been invaluable having you under the same roof when I have to leave suddenly – but it's unfair to you. I feel like I've been giving you false hope, leading you on to think that there might be more between us then friendship. I'm sorry. I'll never deny you access to your daughter, but I think it's for the best if we don't live under the same roof."

He nodded. "I'll start looking for an apartment next week." Glancing at his watch he swore softly. "I need to go if I don't want to be late."

I nodded. "See you tomorrow."

Mark leaned down and tenderly kissed Alexis before he straightened and stared at me for several moments. Then he leaned forward and kissed my forehead. "Good-bye, Mary."

"Good night, Mark."

I sat there for a long time before I realized he had said 'good-bye', not 'good night' and I began to tremble. I looked down at my young daughter and the shaking intensified. _Don't be ridiculous, Mary. Mark is not your father. He is not abandoning his child. It was just a slip of the tongue – and even if it wasn't, he was saying good-bye to you, not his daughter. He was saying good-bye to the dream of a future with you and Alexis, the three of you as a family._

"Mary, what's wrong?"

I looked up into the concerned face of my partner as he dropped into the chair Mark had recently vacated. My mouth moved, but no words came out. _How does he always know? Do I send out some kind of homing signal when I need him to come to me? Will it continue to work after he's married to June Cleaver? I know he's had his grandmother's ring since Thanksgiving; it's only a matter of time before he asks her._

"You're trembling – did something happen with Mark?" he asked, shrugging out of his suit jacket and wrapping it around my shoulders.

I laughed hollowly. "I think – he left us."

Marshall's eyebrows rose. "To go to work, right?"

"No, I mean **left us**."

My partner was speechless, but I saw the flash of anger in his eyes and the clench of his jaw.

"I mean, I asked him to," I began to babble nervously. "I told him it wasn't what I wanted – to be the Stubers. I don't love him – not like that. I told him that he'd always be Alexis' father but when he left he told me good-bye."

Marshall stared at me like I'd grown two heads. "That's it?"

I nodded.

He sighed. "Mer, I think you're over tired and you're over thinking things-"

Abigail's voice interrupted us. "Marshall – where are you? Have you seen the Collins' coats?"

He stood up and walked a few steps away, back into the middle of the room, towards her and away from me. Alexis began to whimper and I picked her up, getting a nice whiff off her diaper.

"Phew, Squirt! I think it's time to change your butt. And then I think it's time for you and me to go home before we turn into pumpkins – our time at the ball is over."

I left Marshall's jacket on the chair as I headed for the study where Marshall kept some changing supplies for Alexis as well as a play pen that she slept in occasionally. She squealed in delight when I opened the door.

"Don't go getting any ideas, Allie. We're not staying over tonight. June Cleaver wouldn't like that idea very much."

From his doggie bed in the corner, Oscar stretched and bounded over to us.

"Well! I was wondering where they had imprisoned you for the party," I laughed as I set Alexis on the floor so they could play while I set up a temporary changing station on the desk. I looked over to see Oscar rapturously licking Alexis' face.

"Oscar! Don't eat the baby!" I scolded and he backed up to sit down. Alexis reached out to grab his collar and he thumped his tail in delight. "Oh, you two would be a pair," I giggled as I scooped Alexis up to change her and Oscar followed. "Are you my supervisor?"

Oscar barked and watched me.

I saw Alexis looking at the play pen again and I sighed. "I know you want to stay, Allie, but this isn't our house. You like your bed at home too." I unfastened her diaper and made a face as the smell wafted out. Even Oscar backed up a step and I laughed. "Maybe if Mama hadn't messed things up so badly, this would be home, but it's not." I paused to put the dirty diaper and wipes in the plastic bag I had brought with me. "We are just going to have to learn to accept the fact that Uncle Marshall loves Abigail no matter how much we wish things were different." I snapped the bottoms of her pajamas shut and scooped her into my arms. "No matter how much I lo-" I paused and spun around at a sound behind me, fearing it was Abigail. But it wasn't – it was Marshall.

He was leaning against the doorway, his eyes wide, his face pale.

I dropped my eyes and clutched Alexis tighter. "How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough." He cleared his throat. "What were you going to say?"

"When?"

His eyes were unreadable as they looked right through me. "Before you heard me and turned around."

"I – I don't remember," I stammered, as I moved Alexis to my hip and slung the diaper bag over my shoulder.

He started to slowly close the distance between us, never breaking eye contact with me. "Oh, I think you do."

"No, I don't. I'm over tired and over thinking things, remember?" I threw his words from downstairs back in his face and watched as they registered.

"Mer- I'm"

I shook my head. "Forget it. I need to get Alexis home, so if you'll excuse me."

An almost cocky grin spread across his face. "How? Mark took your car."

A particularly nasty epithet raced through my head but for my daughter's sake, I bit my tongue. "I'll call a taxi."

"On New Year's Eve – don't be ridiculous, Mer. I'll take you."

I shook my head. "No, I can't take you away from your own party. Abigail would have a fit."

"Let me worry about that – I'll meet you outside in ten minutes."

I can't remember a car ride that was more uncomfortable, more ripe with tension since our case with Horst. Marshall was clearly waiting for me to finish the conversation I had started in the study and I just couldn't do it. It would only cause needless heartache and ruin for us – our friendship, our partnership, and strain his relationship with Abigail. So I remained silent and watched in the rear view mirror as my daughter nodded off to sleep.

Marshall waited while I let myself into the house and put Alexis to bed. I lingered in the nursery, running my hands over her blanket, listening to her breathing, and dreading the fact that my partner was out there waiting for me. Knowing that I couldn't really delay him any longer, I turned on the baby monitor and shut the door.

He was waiting for me in the kitchen, drinking a cup of tea, and one was waiting for me on the corner of the island.

"Thanks," I smiled as I wrapped my hand around the mug. "I wonder if I'll ever get my taste back for coffee."

"Mer-"

"Although, as long as I'm breast feeding, it's probably a good idea that I'm not drinking coffee – didn't you tell me that? Seems like you read-"

"MARY!"

I jumped. "What?"

"Don't," he whispered.

"Don't what?"

"Don't try to distract me – don't try to ignore the elephant in the room. We're going to talk about this whether I have to stay here ten minutes or ten hours."

I shook my head. "Marshall, don't you see? I can't – I won't talk about this with you."

"Why not?"

"Because there is no point in talking about it – you're on the verge of proposing to Abigail and starting a life with her and if all I have is our partnership, our friendship, I'm not going to do anything to jeopardize that."

"How do you know I'm going to propose?"

I rolled my eyes. "Come on, partner. You've had the ring since Thanksgiving when you took her home with you to meet your extended family. It's only a matter of time." I cleared my throat and ran my finger around the rim of my mug.

Marshall shook his head. "But why would talking about something jeopardize our –" His words trailed off suddenly and there was no way in hell I could meet his eyes now. "Mer-" I had never heard him say my name like that before, so low and soft and pleading. "Are you trying to tell me that you – that you-"

I pushed myself away from the counter angrily, still not meeting his eyes and began to pace the floor. "I'm not telling you anything! You're just reading into what I might have said if you hadn't walked in on a private conversation between me and my daughter! Geez, next time I'll lock the door. In fact, there won't be a-"

Marshall spun me around and pulled me flush against him. Blue met green and for one agonizing minute time stopped. I raised my hands and pushed against his chest, but he only tightened his hold around my hips.

"Let me go." I had meant for the words to come out as a demand, but they came out as a whimper instead.

He lowered his head and just before our lips met he whispered, "Never."

I melted into him, allowing myself to really taste and touch and kiss my partner since deep in my heart I believed that this would be our last New Year's Eve together. _Our last chance to ring in the New Year by ringing each other's bells_; part of me wanted to laugh even while the tears were streaming down my face. Marshall pulled away and leaned his forehead against mine, panting slightly. His lips began to kiss my tears away and I shivered, reveling in every sensation he was creating in my body.

"Tears, Sunshine?" he whispered. "Why?"

I shrugged.

"Well, I have to be honest with you. It's a bit disconcerting for me to have a woman react with tears to my kisses – especially a woman I love as deeply as I love you."

I gasped as my eyes flew back to his. "Marshall? What-"

He sighed. "Mary, I can't believe you didn't know. All these years – it's always been you. Well, ever since I've seen you naked, anyway."

I slugged his shoulder. "Pervert!"

He laughed.

I sobered. "And Abigail?"

He sighed again. "I wasn't going to be a monk while I was waiting for you – especially when you ran away from me to-"

I silenced his words with my lips and a thrill shot through me as he moaned into the kiss. His tongue brushed against mine before he released me. "That wasn't what I meant."

"No?"

I shook my head. "I meant, how come you're making out with me in my kitchen if you two are still together?"

He chuckled as he ran his hands up and down my sides. "We're not still together. We broke up shortly after Thanksgiving."

"I'm confused."

"Well, we couldn't get out of the lease for the house right away so we've continued to live together but not **together** if you know what I mean."

"So, did something happen over Thanksgiving?"

Marshall grimaced. "She got drunk and made out with my little brother, Steve."

"Ew," I made a face.

"Exactly," he nodded at me. "So, are you going to tell me now what you were talking to Alexis about?"

I wrapped my arms around his neck again and pressed myself against him, my eyes widening when I felt his arousal. "Oh, I didn't think I needed to fill in the blanks for you, Marshal Marshall Mann," I drawled.

"Hm, well, the answer was in your kiss," he said softly.

I rolled my eyes. "So cheesy."

"But I'd still like to hear the words. Come on, Mer, repeat after me: You love me."

I grinned up at him. "You love me," I said obediently.

He swatted my backside. "You're such a brat – I hope Alexis doesn't inherit all of that sass."

I shook my head. "I'm sure she'll be influenced by her adopted daddy's common sense."

"Oh Mer," he breathed, his hands moving to cup my face, his eyes tearing up at the use of my word 'daddy' in reference to him. "I do so love that little girl."

"Alexis loves you too," I breathed against his lips. "And so does her Mama."

We were interrupted by a cry from over the baby monitor.

"Better get used to that, I suppose," Marshall smiled at me. "I'll get her."

"Are you staying to ring in the New Year with me?" I asked.

"I could be persuaded, why?"

"I just wondered if I'll get my New Year's resolution this year."

"What is it?" He called from the hallway.

"To finally see you naked."

I giggled as I heard a muttered curse from Marshall as my daughter squealed in delight at the sight of him. _Like mother, like daughter._

* * *

><p><strong>New Year's Eve Day, 2012 (Jinx's apartment)<strong>

"How long do we have to stay?" I moaned as I parked the car and folded my hands across my chest.

Marshall smiled at me from the passenger seat where he was making faces at Alexis in the rear view mirror, making her squeal with delight. "Mer, she's your mother. You tell me."

"Great! Thirty minutes," I said as I prepared to get out but Marshall grabbed my hand.

"Mary," he scolded. "Jinx is really excited and has quite a bit to celebrate. She's been sober for four years now and she's opening her own dance school in a couple of months. And she's been dating Simon for six months now."

"There's something up with that guy," I huffed as I unbuckled Alexis' car seat and helped her out of the car.

"Dada!" she cried and wrapped her arms around Marshall's legs.

He picked her up and laughed as she put her arms around his neck and squeezed. "I ran his prints and he's clean, Mer. Try and be happy for your mother. At least she's not coming to you with her troubles all the time. She has Simon now."

I snorted as we climbed the stairs to Jinx's apartment. "It's only a matter of time before he breaks her heart and she's-"

The door flew open and there stood Jinx all decked out in an outlandish holiday outfit, complete with a sprig of holly in her hair. "Good God, mom! What are you wearing?" I gasped.

"Isn't it great? Simon gave it to me for Christmas!" Jinx gushed as she hugged me.

"Nana!" Alexis clapped from Marshall's arms.

"Allie!" Jinx cried, reaching out and plucking her from his arms and disappearing with her inside.

I sighed. "Don't worry, Marshall. One day you'll warrant a hello and then you'll get so much attention you'll long for the days when you were ignored again."

He chuckled and pressed a kiss against my temple. "Shall we?"

I grimaced. "I suppose so – the sooner we enter, the sooner we can leave, right?"

Dinner was no gourmet feast since everything came out of boxes or cans to begin with. I smiled and said through my teeth how delicious everything was as I pushed food around on my plate, making it look like I had eaten more than I had. I stole a glance at Marshall and saw that he was on to my act; he was silently shaking his head at me in reproach. I shrugged my shoulders. _What did he expect? Living with him the past year had spoiled me immensely for anyone else's culinary skills. It was still a wonder to me that I wasn't as big as a house!_

Halfway through dinner someone else knocked on the door and Jinx sagged with relief. "Oh, that must be Brandi and her date. I was getting worried. Mary, would you mind getting the door, sweet pea?"

I gritted my teeth at the endearment and tried not to stomp all the way to the door. Yanking it open, I tried not to recoil in surprise at the sight that met my eyes.

"Happy New Year, Mary!" Brandi and Raph cried, as my sister threw her arms around me. Raph at least had the decency to look embarrassed while I was too shocked to say anything. Brandi pulled back and giggled. "Oh, you should see the look on your face. Chico, didn't I tell you we would shock her?"

"Brandi-" Raph chided softly. "Perhaps we should have-" he stopped speaking as my daughter came into view, toddling around the corner.

"Mama!" Alexis cried, holding up her arms to me.

I turned in relief to see that Marshall had followed her and he was also staring in disbelief at the new arrivals. Sweeping Alexis into my arms, I stepped back into him and let his hands settle possessively around my waist.

"They're dating?" Marshall whispered against my hair and I shrugged, letting him know that I was just as much in the dark as he was.

Brandi dragged Raph into the room and began taking off her heavy coat. "Look, I know I should have told you I was dating Chico but I didn't want things to be awkward between us."

"And not telling me and just springing it on me made it **less** awkward?" I sputtered in disbelief.

"Well, yeah." Brandi nodded, and I sighed, knowing that in her head, this made perfect sense. "This is only awkward because the last time Marshall and Raph saw each other they got into a big fight over you. But now Marshall's with you and Chico's with me – so everything's cool, right?" Brandi looked at me and Marshall and then back at Raph, waiting.

I looked up into Marshall's eyes and shrugged. His eyes twinkled at me. "Do you care?" he whispered.

"That Chico's dating my sister? It's weird but no, I don't care. If he hurts her, he'll have two US Marshals to deal with."

Marshall smiled and dropped another kiss on my hair before stepping forward and holding out his hand to Raph. My ex-fiance looked at the gesture with suspicion before Marshall said something in Spanish that caused Raph to grin and shake his hand. Raph then said something in return that made both of them laugh.

Jinx stuck her head out of the kitchen doorway. "If the smoke has cleared, why don't you all come in here and have some pie?"

"Did you leave me any tuna casserole?" Brandi asked as she grabbed Raph's hand and pulled him towards the kitchen.

I groaned and rubbed my stomach, wondering if I had any antacids in my purse. Alexis squirmed in my arms and I set her down, watching as she wandered off in search of more treats from Nana. I smiled when I felt Marshall's arms wrap around me from behind me.

"Want to go say our good-byes and have dessert at home? I made your favorite," he murmured in my ear.

The shivers went all the way down my back as I turned in his embrace. "Apple pie?"

"Of course."

I made a pleasure sound deep in my throat as I kissed him. "You know the best part about eating at home, Marshall?"

"What's that, Mer?"

I grinned lasciviously at him. "After our baby girl is in bed, clothing is optional."

He breathed against my lips. "Now that's an offer I can't refuse."

Hours later, I opened my eyes to see that it was still just shy of midnight. Realizing I was alone in bed I listened to try and discover where my partner, my best friend, my lover had disappeared to. It wasn't long before I heard him over the baby monitor. I was amazed that I hadn't stirred when Alexis cried – that meant that I had been completely wiped out from our lovemaking or Marshall had already been in the room when she stirred or both. I smiled knowing the answer was probably both. Marshall spent hours in the nursery watching Alexis sleep. He couldn't love that little girl more if she really was biologically his.

I had been right a year ago. Mark had left without a backward glance, without a word. He abandoned my car in the parking lot at work and vanished into the night. I hadn't heard a word from him since. Being a US Marshal, I had the resources at my disposal to call the dogs out on him to at least see if he was dead or alive, so I could at least tell Alexis her birth father was alive when she was old enough and wanted to know. But for now, Marshall was her father – and he always would be, in all the ways that mattered. If Mark turned out to be dead, I knew that Marshall would adopt Alexis in a heartbeat – all I had to do was ask.

I heard Alexis whimper over the monitor and I heard Marshall soothe her, followed by quiet humming. I smiled wider; he never let anyone hear him sing and he only sung to his daughter.

"Daddy's here," he whispered. "You're safe; mama's just down the hall. Do you know how much we love you, Allie? You are the most important thing to us. It doesn't matter if daddy and mama are married or not. We're still a family; we're together, now and forever."

Marshall's words brought me up to a sitting position in bed. _Is that how he really feels? Marshall wants to get married – he's always believed in the sanctity of marriage. Oh God, he's been holding back because of me and my emotional hang-ups, telling himself that living together is enough. But if he needs a piece of paper and a ring on my finger to prove that I'm not going to run – that I'm in this for life. . . ._

Throwing back the covers I went over to the dresser and began digging through his sock drawer. _Come on, come on, I know it's here. I saw it just the other day when I put away-_ My fingers closed around the object as I heard the nursery door shut and his footsteps in the hall. I flew back to bed, throwing the covers up around me and screwed my eyes shut, focusing on relaxing my breathing. I felt the bed dip as Marshall sat on the edge, lifted the blankets and slid in next to me. He spooned me from behind and I snuggled against him.

He chuckled. "I know you're awake, Sunshine."

I sighed and turned in his arms. "You know me too well. How's Allie?"

"I think she had a nightmare – she's fine now, back to sleeping like the angel she is."

I nodded and placed my head on his chest, hoping he wouldn't notice that one hand was curled into a fist.

He rubbed his hands up and down my bare back. "You seem tense – you thinking about what happened today at your mom's?"

I smiled in the darkness. "That didn't upset me, Marshall. I was surprised, yes, but not upset. Those two make more sense than he and I ever did. But it did get me to thinking, remembering," I shifted so I could see his face. "What did Raph say to you that night in my kitchen that made you hit him?"

Marshall sighed and rolled away from me, throwing an arm across his face, shielding his eyes from mine. I sat up and pulled the sheet around my breasts.

"I thought Eleanor told you."

I shook my head. "She told me how he guilt tripped you – but you were just taking it until all of a sudden he leaned in and said something that made you snap. What was it?"

"He was drunk off his ass, Mer. Can't we just leave it at that?"

"No."

"He said – he said that he had you in a way I never could and oh how that must be killing me to know that he got to fuck you every night while I had to go home to an empty house and think about the two of you-" He broke off, and even in the darkness, I could see the flush that spread across his skin.

I swallowed thickly, hurting for Marshall even now that we were together. I could just imagine how far Raph had pushed the envelope; since he had been drunk off his ass, I'm sure he had thrown in plenty of slurs that weren't kind to either Marshall or me. I knew that I was getting a watered down version, but it was all he was going to give me. How could I reassure this sexy man that now shared my bed that he had never just fucked me like Raph had time after time?

Letting the sheet fall, I laid on top of him, pressing my body to his. Marshall's arm lowered and his eyes met mine in surprise as I leaned forward and kissed his lips sweetly.

"Listen to me, my sweet partner. I have made love more times with you this past year than I ever did with Raph. In fact, more times than I ever have with anyone."

With a groan, he rolled me over and pinned me to the bed underneath him and as his kisses rained down my neck, I knew I needed to move this conversation along before he rendered me incapable of speech.

"Why haven't you asked me to marry you?"

That did it. Marshall's lips left my skin and his eyes met mine in the semi-darkness of our room. Confusion raced across his face until his eyes darted over to the baby monitor. "You overheard me talking to Alexis."

I shrugged a shoulder. "Tit for tat."

"I know how you feel about marriage-" he began.

"Do you?"

He frowned at my interruption. "Well, yeah, your parents, Raph-"

"I wouldn't be marrying them." I giggled at his expression.

"Mer – are you saying you might consider-" he broke off and I giggled again as I watched the hope and fear dance in his eyes.

I turned my head and saw that it was two minutes to midnight. "Marry me, Marshall."

"What?" he croaked.

I opened my fist to reveal his grandmother's ring.

"Where did you – how did you-" he cleared his throat and held me tighter. "You've been raiding my sock drawer again. And really, Mer, don't you know that the man is supposed to do the asking? Just because you know the location of where I keep the ring doesn't-"

"Don't."

"Don't what?" he teased me.

"Try to distract me. I'll wait for your answer if it takes ten minutes or ten hours."

He pulled back in surprise. "You're serious."

I nodded. "See, my New Year's resolution is to marry you, Marshall Mann. So, are you going to help me keep it?"

Marshall's face was blank as he took the ring from my fingers. He sat up slowly, pulling me with him. Goosebumps rose on my bare flesh but I barely noticed the cold as Marshall took my left hand in his.

"Yes," he whispered, slipping the ring on my fourth finger. "Because it just so happens my 2012 New Year's resolution is to marry you, Mary Shannon." He sealed his words with a kiss to my hand.

I grabbed his head and pulled his face to mine, our mouths meeting in a fiery kiss as we tumbled back onto the bed: laughing, loving, tasting, touching.

"Say it," he murmured against my skin.

"What?" I gasped softly.

"You know what."

"Oh _that _– you love me."

I laughed against his neck as he slapped my ass. "Brat."

The laughter died in my throat when his lips found a particularly sensitive spot. "I love you, Marshall."

Blue met green. "Happy New Year, Mer."

* * *

><p><strong>Just because it's over, doesn't mean I don't want to hear what you thought of the ending. Come on, push the button and feed the Mary muse - it's her candy ;)<strong>


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